Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Turns my darkness into light

2 Samuel 22:29
The Lord turns my darkness into light.

So I have to tell y'all, I have been BLOWN away by your responses to my last post. I had no clue - no clue at all - that I would receive that kind of love.

Wow.

Whoa.

Wowy Zowy.

It's been such a tug-and-pull. As the comments came in on the blog and facebook (and even more in my inbox), I thought, "Wait, I just told the world that I suck as a mom, and no one hates me?"

Honestly, I think I expected children's services to knock on my door. It took a lot to hit publish on that post - a lot of second-guessing and doubting and fearing and wincing.

And before I could even think about taking it all back I received a huge outpouring of love that I was not prepared to receive.

I spent the day sort of dazed, thinking - God, you love me even though I can act like a monster? I don't even know some of these amazing people, and they're telling me that I am not alone. I do not deserve this. Not at all.

And what was even more precious is that just as the doubts came pouring back to me (these folks just feel bad for you, Ali, that's all . . . they can't really relate, they just want to make you feel better, Ali . . . they're all judging you, you idiot) God showed me even more love than I could handle.

Not only did He bless me through y'all, He blessed me with a really awesome "mom" day. On the heels of a crap-crap-crappy day and a big-fat-I-suck blog post, God showed me that each day is new and His mercies are everlasting. I couldn't even tell you what was different about that new day. Maybe the kids actually were better behaved. Or maybe God just packed me full of unlimited patience and peace. Whatever it was, it was God - working through me and YOU - your love, support, and encouragement sent me straight to cloud nine. How can I ever thank y'all?!

It was one simple day of refreshment, and it was EXACTLY what my soul needed.

And since then, it hasn't been all peaches and cream. Just this morning there have been too many time-outs to count and an embarrassing amount of swear words erupting from under my breath.

I am constantly surrendering to a power that is way bigger than I can even fathom. And because God is so darn good, He is quick to hug me to the point of tears just as fast as He gives me a swift and necessary kick in my rear when I need it.

I continue to be humbled by y'all. And my kids relentlessly show me that I have a lot of growing up to do.

Thank you for coming alongside me through this amazing yet often impossible journey of motherhood.

Now cut out this virtual silliness and get over here and give me a great big hug.

MWAH!

8 comments:

  1. Yah, you didn't see my crying on Sunday after the P.E. class - I walked out of it thinking - crap, Parker has no hope...and Amber and Crissy changed my thoughts quickly.

    I love you and I respect you and I appreciate your honesty. It is SO good to know that I am not alone.

    Hugs

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  2. Well I just gotta say I love reading your blogs. They are all so honest and from the heart. It's nice to know we can tell each other it'll be ok and that we know how each other feels. That is so great!!

    XXOOXXOO

    Lauren

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  3. I think you are wonderful and I know that God thinks even more highly of you! You just keep on keepin on!

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  4. Thank you, ladies. Denise - how was the PE class? We still need to get together and chat about Parker's room :)

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  5. Love you. Even if you call me names.

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  6. You are a terrific mom and friend. Miss you:)

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  7. Don't tempt me with that coming over and giving you a hug stuff!
    -sigh- missing OH and all its goodness there...

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