Actually, Norman Rockwell could paint it had he teamed up with Stephen King.
Let the pictures tell the story.
This is Kaitlyn. She's two going on twelve, and she preferred to deliver Santa a letter because sitting on his lap is for babies.
This is Harper. Her mother is a wicked witch who threw her onto a rickety old truck next to a hefty man who rocks red velvet.
Not even Oma could make it better.
Now it's Henry's turn. Maybe if Henry and mommy get onto the firetruck, things will turnaround for the better.
Not so much.
Maybe if mommy restrains Henry and Harper, they'll flash daddy a quick smile and we'll call it a wrap.
Not so much.
Would someone please rescue these children?
Oh, our time's up? But we were just getting cozy.
*No children were injured during the making of these memories. At least not physically.
And in case you are now dialing children services, you should know that we made the wise decision to see Santa BEFORE we visited Mrs. Claus and her cookies and crafts . . .
. . . AND TATTOOS!
Cookies and tattoos - they make everything better.
Henry's an old pro at press-on tattoos. He's probably had a couple hundred in his 2 1/2 years of life. I've said it before, he'd probably sit through the real deal if given the chance - that's how much he likes ink.
Santa is so overrated. Body art is where it's at.
Even Harper is embracing her inner rock star.
Now that we are inked up, it's time to get our craft on!
Henry gets a little help from his tongue.
That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.
While the big kids craft, Harper strikes a pose.
And then eats a cookie.
See what I mean, tattoos and cookies make everything better.
Even though you can't see it underneath her modest attire, even Kaitlyn is sporting a tattoo - her very first! Welcome to the cool kids club, K.
So there you have it. A lovely tradition of scaring the living daylights out of my sweet and innocent children only to stitch their sweet souls back together with sugar and body art. It's good ol' fashioned American fun. And the bonus? My kids now have zero desire to receive a visit from santa.
Score one for the parentals!