Thursday, May 13, 2010

Worst moment of my life.

If you're a parent, then you've probably been there. The moment you realize that you lost your child.

It happened to me. In my home. Sort of.

Let me set the scene. We allow our son, who is 2 years old, to play on our screened-in back porch unsupervised. On this particular morning, I could hear him playing, and playing, and playing, and then silence. But it was one of those moments where the silence didn't hit me until it had been minutes of silence.

I'm sick to my stomach even thinking about it.

What made this moment so awfully nightmarish is when I realized that he was outside and we live only feet away from a busy road.

Sick. Sick. Sick.

I was nursing my daughter at the time. I flew out of the house, with her still attached. The minute I realized he was gone, I yanked her off and set her down. I set her down so fast that she fell over and hit her head. She was screaming. I was screaming. As I ran down the back steps into our backyard, I heard the cars rushing by. I kept screaming and screaming.

And then I saw him.

He was running my way, parallel to the street.

Thank you, Lord Jesus. Thank you. Thank you.

He was safe. He was alive. And apparently he had been having the time of his life.

He was covered, absolutely covered, in mud.

I didn't care. I scooped him up so fast, and finally, I breathed.

It was then that it hit me that my heart was racing and my baby girl was on the ground, still screaming.

But I couldn't let go of him. I just couldn't.

I had just endured the absolute worst moment of my life.

As it turns out, I had failed to lock the back door (he can open the door if it's not locked). You better believe that I'm obsessive-compulsive about locking that door now.

Hours after the incident I was still edgy. No longer shaking, but I could still feel the pit in my stomach.

The thought of losing my son had become a reality. If even for a minute, it was a reality that I never, ever want to experience again.


  1. every parents worst nightmare when you can't find your little one, i know! I'm so sorry but glad you found that little sweet boy! Henry we miss you. We send your mom lots and lots of feel better we love you hugs! xoxo

  2. You poor thing. It is a mother's worst nightmare, and I'm so glad it was only for a brief moment. I can't imagine your panic. :(

  3. Oh, Ali. My heart is thumping so hard. I know how you felt (feel) and there is NOTHING like it.

  4. OMG, even though it's been years - I can so feel you on that! I lost my little girl in a busy (Saturday) department store when she was about that age. It was really, really horrible. Giant HUGS to you!!!

  5. Totally relate, just watch me around a pool with little ones and it has been 34 years. Thank the Lord for his care! And in a strange way, for this blessing. Trips to the edge without falling make us more aware and appreciative
    So sorry for the grey hairs that sprouted!

  6. My heart is pounding thinking about it. Thanking Jesus for this reminder of just how precious they are. (AND THAT HE IS HOME!!). MISS YOU. I feel like I haven't been to church in weeks.... because I havn't... morning sickness sucked the life out of me. Maybe we can try to do a play date soon.

  7. Oh. I hate that feeling. Good job on the quick thinking. He is getting so big. I can't believe how fast he is growing up.

  8. this made me almost throw up. i'm so thankful he was okay. love love love you Hoopers.

  9. Ugh! That sick feeling and horrible pit in your stomach is awful. Been there three times. One with each child. I can't imagine your situation, right there on Avery, I would have thrown up. And that feeling after they are safe where you still feel like you are on edge and not breathing right, miserable. So glad Henry is well, we love that little guy. I am not surprised that he would be out their having the time of his life playing in the mud.