Thursday, February 19, 2009

Non-Maternal Instincts

Whose food is it anyway?

What would possess me to make a meal for my 10-month old? Oh yeah, the fact that he needs to eat (something about food, water, shelter, blah, blah, blah).

So then why is it that my I've-already-devoured-two-scoops-of-premium-dog-food chow hound ends up eating more of my delicately grilled bread with cheese than the young, growing boy for which it was intended? 

This has become a bit of a game at my house. I slave over lunch (and breakfast and dinner, but who's counting), I cut it up all cute and tiny, I place it sweetly on my son's tray, I bless it with love, and he SMASHES it, SPITS it, FLINGS it, CHUCKS it, and ultimately DROPS every last morsel on the ground for the I-eat-my-own-poop dog to consume. Oh, the horror.

So not only am I spending hard-earned money on a fifty-pound back of wholesome, all natural dog morsels, but I'm serving hard time in solitary confinement my kitchen on the dang pooch's fifth and sixth course as well.

And they say kids will eat if they're hungry - Ha! Maybe if I left him in an empty cell giving him his meal on a tray through a slot in the door. But not if eating also means playing "catch the over-priced organic strawberries" with a boy's best friend.

Dear Lord, 
What's it going to take to make my son eat? Maybe dogs, like cows, should instinctually regurgitate their food and force it into the mouth of its young (and by its young, I mean my son). Oh, you find that disgusting? Geesh, how is it any different than when I found the two of them chewing on different ends of the same dog toy? 

Seriously, people, my son chews on dog toys. Judge me if you dare.  

And now it's your turn! Share your not-so-sunny tale of parenthood. Why? Because we could all use a little oops-I-forgot-the-baby-at-home camaraderie. 

To participate (today and every Thursday):
  1. Somewhere in your post link to my blog. The easiest way to do this is to add the Blessed Treehouse button to your post (copy and paste the html, found in the right sidebar). By adding the button to your post, the link to my blog will automatically be included.
  2. Write your Non-Maternal Instincts post!
  3. Use Mister Linky below to enter your name or your blog's name and a link directly to your Non-Maternal Instincts post.
  4. Check out the other Non-Maternal Instincts posts - you know you want to hear all the horror stories. But just remember, pass judgment and you'll turn to find your own kid shoving dog treat infested toys down his mouth. You've been warned.
Beginning next week I hope to have a button to go along with this meme! In the meantime, show me some meme love. It doesn't have to be anything long or fancy - just a simple post dishin' out all the vomit-in-the-hair details. It'll be therapeutic. You can thank me later.


  1. We totally have the same situation with our dog Duke. Jimmy eats really well, but when he is finished, he starts tossing things down to the dog, or he leans over with his little fist full of tasty morsels and lets Duke lick them out of his hand while he giggles with glee. Jimmy also loves to play with the dog toys, we have been working on the "not in your mouth" command. ;-)

  2. I dont have a non maternal instinct to share (although give it time, I am sure there will be one eventually!) But all I have to say is I am glad I don't have a dog, however...I am sure Parker will feed the cat!

  3. I don't know you, but I'm sure if we met we would be best friends. You constantly make me laugh. But right now my husband hates you because I've been singing 2 Legit 2 quit for days!
    Thanks for that uplifting 6 minutes.

  4. Dude, I have nonmaternal moments ALL. THE. TIME.

    But oddly, not today. Huh.